It all started when Richard bought a packet of Wagon Wheels.
I, being of the vegetarian persuasion, cannot eat Wagon Wheels, or Marshmallow Teacakes, or moonpies*.
This is naturally a cause of some woe so, having nothing better to do one night** I decided to look for recipes.
It turns out that the internet is full of moonpie recipes.
Most of these I discarded at once: I don't know what it was, but something just told me that the combination of boiling syrup, a whisk, and a three year old wouldn't be a good idea.
One of those weird, psychic premonition things I suppose.
Then I discovered a cheats version: a recipe which skipped the make-your-own-marshmallow-ooze step in favour of a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Then I sulked a little, on the grounds that of course as a vegetarian I wouldn't be able to eat fluff.
Then I discovered that, Holy Cow***, Marshmallow Fluff is vegetarian.
And they sell it in the UK now.
And it isn't even expensive.
And thus was my doom sealed.
Really Quick Unbelievably Messy Moonpies
Biscuits, digestives are good, chocolate digestives save you time later
Chocolate, dark or milk according to preference.
You can also add peanut butter to make a terrifying hybrid Fluffernutter-Moonpie.
First hide anything you don't want to become unbelievably sticky.
Remove any clothing you cherish and say a prayer to any gods you think are listening.
Melt the chocolate over a bowl of boiling water.
Divide your biscuits into pairs, making sure one of each pair is chocolate side down.
If you did not buy chocolate biscuits this may take you some time.
The recipe we followed suggested that you set them out on a cooling rack, with a plate or tray underneath to catch the drips.
Having done this I suggest you just use a plate with a sheet of greaseproof paper on it.
Put a dollop of fluff on the chocolate-side-down biscuit of each pair.
Like Swamp Thing on a plate.
Put the second biscuit of each pair on top of the fluff.
Now seal the biscuits with chocolate: splodge some on top of each moonpie and spread it over the top and round the sides to cover the biscuit and contain the fluff.
Leave to set.
If you bought non-chocolate biscuits**** then once they have set turn them over, melt some more chocolate and cover the bottoms.
Or leave them plain, but why would you want to do that?
Eat, licking the chocolate off your fingers.
As you can see from the pictures, ours oozed all over the place.
From this we learned that you shouldn't use too much fluff, or it'll seep out through the chocolate and go everywhere.
We also learned that fluff is incredibly hard to get out of carpet.
But who cares? The results were a sticky mess but we had a great time making it.
Of course everything has a downside: which in this case is the fact that I, usually an advocate of natural, real foods, now have most of a jar of fluff***** in the cupboard.
On the bright side: if the worst should happen I'm pretty sure this stuff could survive the apocalypse.
*Which are basically Wagon Wheels by any other name.
**Ok I had something better to do: I was feeding Phoebe, but I wasn't using my hands or all that much of my brain.
***** Neither natural nor particularly real.